


No One But You

by shaylea



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Bondage, Caning, Crying, Discipline, Dom Jensen, Dom/sub, Drooling, Established Relationship, Figging, Gags, Hair-pulling, Humiliation, Kink Negotiation, Kneeling, Lots of sassiness, M/M, Marking, Masochism, Obedience, Orgasm Denial, Paddling, Painplay, Possessive Jensen, Punishment, Reference to caging, Rough Oral Sex, Safeword issues, Sub Jared, The complexities of D/s life, sharing fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-22 10:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaylea/pseuds/shaylea
Summary: Jared's been out for the day with friends, male friends, and Jensen doesn't take it very well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updates should be every couple of days.

  


Jensen is waiting when Jared comes in.  

Jared’s windswept, his golden skin dusky pink from too much sun, his hair wild and damp.  He looks relaxed, his eyes are unshadowed and bright, and the part of Jensen that’s constantly cataloguing how healthy Jared looks eases.  He’s been worried all day, not that he expected Jared to have a difficult time going out with three of his friends on the lake, but because any time Jared’s out of his sight, Jensen can’t keep a watchful eye on him and know minute by minute how he’s doing.

Yes, he’s aware that’s fucked up.

No, he doesn’t care.

“Jensen!”  Jared’s obviously had a few beers, because his voice is loose as he drops his keys and hurries over to where Jensen’s sitting on the sofa.  He leans down for a kiss and Jensen gives it greedily, but when Jared moves to pull away, Jensen’s hand tightens in his messy hair.  Jared blinks down at him, confused.  “I need to shower—“

“Strip.”

“Here?”

Jensen doesn’t bother to deign to answer that.  He’s given the order and Jared heard it. 

Heat flicks into Jared’s eyes and he grins.  “You’ll need to let go of my hair.”

“Deal with it.”  He deliberately tightens his grasp so it hurts. 

“Uh, okay.”  Jared’s laughing, his customary response to awkwardness, as he remains in the uncomfortable bent-over position and shimmies out of his swimsuit then starts to pull his t-shirt up.  “I’m gonna need some help here, Jensen.”

“Leave it around your neck.”

It looks like a scarf, and Jensen uses his other hand to gather the soft black material and pull it taut at Jared’s throat.

“Kneel.”

He’ll never not love this moment when Jared falls to his knees because Jensen asks.  Jared’s so conditioned by now that Jensen could ask him at a convention, on set, in a crowded airport, and Jared would. 

“Hands behind your back.”

As soon as Jared complies, Jensen jerks him forward, off balance, by the neck.  He smells of lake and sky and wind, and the selfish part of Jensen resents that he had to work all day while three random other men got to watch Jared play in the sun and on the water. 

“I have to finish reading three reports,” he says, making his voice Dean-hard.  “While I read them, you’re going to warm my cock, and then you’re going to pay the price for your outing today.  I don’t want to hear a single word out of you unless I specifically ask you to speak.”

He shouldn’t get nearly as much pleasure as he does from speaking so harshly to the man he loves, but Jensen is past feeling guilty for what he enjoys when it comes to Jared because Jared thrills to all of it, to whichever way Jensen feels like treating him.  He responds equally well whether Jensen wants to cuddle with him and play with his hair or flay the skin off his back with a flogger.  He loves sharing their enormous bed, but he’s just as happy when Jensen ties his collar to the bed post and makes him sleep on the floor, or even when Jensen orders him into the cage in the back room that’s supposedly for the dogs. 

Hmm, maybe he should cage Jared tonight, he thinks as he ties off the t-shirt so it remains tight around Jared’s neck, a makeshift collar for the moment, and flicks open his shorts.  It’s warm enough to put the cage out on the deck, something they rarely do for privacy reasons but Jensen doesn’t really care today.  Jared’s been out in public with other men all day and he needs to pay his penance in public as well.

He sighs as Jared’s mouth closes obediently over his cock, which is starting to swell at the thought of caging Jared outside.  He’ll have to keep him company, of course, not that Jared will be aware of his presence, so it’ll make tomorrow hell because of lack of sleep, but it will be worth it.  Jared’s staying home tomorrow, so Jensen can fuck him up a bit tonight, welt him badly, just to make the cage hurt more. 

God, how he loves hurting Jared.

He gives a tug to the dark curls, forcing Jared closer so he’s now balanced on the edge of his knees, the width of his shoulders pressing into Jensen’s spread thighs.  The wooden floor must be cruel against those kneecaps, but Jared doesn’t seem to notice.  His eyes have drifted shut, all his focus on stretching his mouth around Jensen’s cock.  He looks exquisite, and Jensen reaches for his phone to snap a photo to join the hundreds of others he has of Jared that would instantly destroy both their careers in the wrong hands. 

But he really does have three reports to finish tonight, building reports that he couldn’t concentrate on earlier while wondering what Jared was up to with Matthew and the others, if they were going for drinks, if Jared was enjoying their company, if they were as mesmerised by his beauty as Jensen is.  How every other man in the world doesn’t want to snap Jared up baffles him, but he’s grateful that most of them manage to resist the temptation and leave him to belong solely to Jensen.  And if he’s a little forceful about ensuring they resist now and then, well, who could blame him?

Certainly not Jared, who Jensen swears looks disappointed if Jensen doesn’t exert his ownership sufficiently.  Which is why he’s doing this tonight, because Jared had been nervous about asking Jensen if he could go today, and Jensen had sensed mixed messages from him about whether he wanted permission or not.  He did want to hang out with his friends, but being alone with three men and no Jensen wasn’t his comfort zone.

It wasn’t Jensen’s comfort zone either, imagining what those three men could get up to with Jared once they had him out on the lake.  He knows them, and none of them are particularly dominant, but Jared’s been needy during this hiatus and one of them might sense that and take advantage.  Of course they wouldn’t, he knows that, he knows all three men are straight and even if they weren’t they know that Jared belongs to him, and he also knows that Jared would never dream of submitting to anyone but Jensen. 

Even so.

Even so, Jensen’s mind has gone crazy all day imagining just what might be happening on that boat.  Imagining Jared stripping off his shirt to dive into the water, catching their eye, and when he comes up, hauling himself back aboard as water streams down his magnificent body, the men could turn on him, grab him, force him down—

And now Jensen is fully hard in Jared’s mouth and none of the reports have been read.

“Did you have a good time today, babe?”

Jared’s eyes flicker open and he nods around the cock in his mouth. 

“Tell me.”

Jensen presumes he’s saying something like “I did have a good time”, but the words don’t matter, only the vibration against his cock as Jared tries to speak.

“Good boy.”  He strokes his hand through the tangled hair and gives Jared an approving smile.  “So you didn’t let your friends fuck you?”

Jared rears back, almost dislodging Jensen’s cock, eyes wide with horror.  “Of course I didn’t!” Jensen imagines he’s saying.  “I would never!”

“Did you think about it?”

“No!”  That word is clear.

“ _I_ thought about it.”

He sees Jared realise where he’s going with this, that he’s not accusing him of anything, and he’s happy to answer the question that blazes in his eyes.

“Did you ever consider I might have told them they could have you today?  That’s what I was thinking about.  Imagine if I had.  Imagine if I’d said to Matt that all three of them had free rights to your body all day, if they wanted you.  Do you think they would have?  Wanted you, I mean.”

Jared’s scowling now.  He doesn’t like Jensen talking about other men having him, especially if Jensen’s not around to supervise. 

“I think they would.  I think they did.”

Jared shakes his head, tugging on Jensen’s cock, and he can see it’s torturing Jared not to pull off and give Jensen a piece of his mind for this kind of talk.  He pulls Sammy’s bitch face instead, making Jensen think, not for the first time, how much better Sam would look if Dean stuffed his cock in his mouth every time he pulled that crap.  Fuck, how he itches as Dean to teach Sam the lessons he deserves.  But he doesn’t have Sam; instead he has Jared, looking outraged at the thought of his innocent, straight friends desiring him.

“I’d have told Matt,” Jensen continues, “that if you pulled a face like this on him, he had full rights to slap it off you.”

Jared squeaks his disapproval.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  Being disciplined by Matt.”

The answer is an eloquent no, but Jensen knows better. 

“What if I told him he could strip you there on the boat, in front of everyone, he could strip you and bend you over and use his belt on you?  Would you like that?”

Jared’s trying to object, but his breath comes hard and fast across the sensitive skin of Jensen’s cock, giving him away.

“Yeah, Jay, you’d like that.  You’d like to be put in your place by your friends.  You’re so much bigger than them but it’s so easy for them to bring you low, to make you bend, to make you hurt for them.  You’re so pretty when you’re hurting, aren’t you?”  Jensen tugs sharply at his hair, and again, holding it this time until tears spark at the corners of Jared’s eyes.  “There we go, good boy.  You’d cry just like that for them, wouldn’t you, if I told them to beat you?”

Jared whimpers.  His eyes have gone complicated, trying to get too many messages across to Jensen in one go.  Taking pity on him, Jensen pushes him backwards, off his cock.

“Talk to me, baby.  Tell me what you think.”

“Fuck you, Jensen,” Jared bursts out.  His chest heaves as he fights between getting air in and getting words out.  His need for words wins.  “You’re not letting anyone else beat me.  No one touches me but you, okay?  Only you get to do that.  Are you seriously getting off imagining someone else hurting me when you aren’t even there to see, to enjoy it?  It would serve you right if I did let them feel me up and then came home and told you all about it.  How’d you like it then, asshole?”

“Why don’t you try it next time and find out?”

“Yeah, right.”  To Jensen’s delight, even as Jared rolls his eyes with scorn, he holds his position perfectly, arms still twined behind his back.  “You’d beat me so badly I’d NEVER move again.”

“What if I told you to?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“But if I did.”  He’s toying with Jared now, and Jared knows it but can’t help himself.

“Nobody beats me but you.”

“Not even if I order it?”

Jared falters, because there’s no right answer here, and he glares at Jensen.  “Is that what you want, to know someone else is hurting me far away from you where you can’t rescue me if you need to, where you can’t take care of me, can’t hold me afterwards?  Do you wanna sit alone here knowing that someone else’s hands are on my skin, someone else is giving me the pain that I only crave from you?  Because if you want that, Jensen, if you do, then I’ll do it.  I’ll let them.  I’ll do it for you.  For _you._   But I know you don’t want that, I know it would drive you insane and I know you’d hate me for it, so I won’t do it.  I’d never do anything that would upset you like that.”

“Kiss me,” Jensen says, because right now he’s feeling too much and can’t find words, and Jared surges up, still meticulously not using his arms, and crashes their mouths together.  He’s hot and desperate, angry and demanding.  He’s turned on despite himself by Jensen’s fantasy, unwilling to admit it, taking his frustration out on Jensen’s mouth, vicious little nips of Jensen’s lips, deep, invasive assaults with his tongue down Jensen’s throat, and Jensen leans back, taking his boy with him, and lets Jared savage him.  He loves getting him all riled up like this, loves how explosive he can be if you push the right buttons. 

“Only you,” Jared says between snarled kisses.  “Only you get me like this, Jensen.  Only you, tell me.”  He’s broken form now, his hands clutching wildly at Jensen’s shirt, at his arms, at his chest.  “Tell me it’s only you.”

This wasn’t where Jensen intended to take this scene, but he goes with it because Jared’s frantic insistence goes straight to his cock.  And to his heart.  He clasps Jared’s face to hold him off long enough to let Jensen talk.  “You’re mine, Jay.  You’re always only mine.”

“Don’t want anybody else to touch me,” Jared says.  He’s calming, but his face is troubled and Jensen never meant for him to take it like this. 

“No one touches you but me, I promise.”

“You wouldn’t send me off with them like that, would you?  Without you?”

“You went off with them today without me.”

“But not like _that_.  You know that.”

“Did you think about it?” Jensen asks.  “Tell me honestly.  Did it cross your mind even once?”

Jared’s brow creases in that little adorable way Sam’s does.  “Did it occur to me that you sent me with them to hurt me?”

“That I could do that if I wanted to.”

“But you don’t.”

“Just tell me.  How did you feel on your own out with them today?”

“I missed you,” Jared says plaintively.  “I missed you, Jensen, all day.  Didn’t you notice?  Didn’t you get all those millions of texts I sent you?  All the pictures and the videos?”

He did, and each time his phone chimed he felt a thrill of warmth run through him that Jared was thinking about him right at that moment, wanting to share.  “I loved getting them because I missed you too.”

“So why are you talking about them getting to do stuff to me that only you’re allowed to do?”

“It’s a fantasy, Jay.”

“So….not real?”  Jared chews on his lower lip and only then does Jensen realise he’s been taking all of this seriously. 

“Of course it’s not real!”

“Because you know I would do that, if you wanted me to.  I would do whatever you want me to do but please don’t make me do that because I don’t believe you want to and I’d hate it, knowing that I was doing something that wasn’t making you feel good.”

“Even if I told you to?”

“Jensen.”  Jared sits back on his knees, taking Jensen’s two hands between his, and regards him very seriously.  “This thing we do.  It’s for fun.  It’s because we both enjoy it, it gets us off, and it makes us feel good.  You know how much I love suffering for you, and it’s because it turns you on so much.  If it hurt you when you slash my ass with your belt, if it upset you to hear me scream, to see welts and bruises on my skin that you caused, then I wouldn’t enjoy it at all, even though I like pain.  You know that.  And I know that if you didn’t know how much I enjoy the pain and all the fucking humiliating things you make me do, then you wouldn’t like putting me through it.”

“I know,” Jensen says.  He’s disconcerted, not quite sure how they’ve ended up here when he was just outlining a fantasy.  Except it wasn’t really a fantasy, was it?  It was everything that had been taunting him all day as he worked.  What if Jared could enjoy himself just as much with others?  What if Jensen isn’t enough for him?  “But you like it when I make you do things in public.”

“Because you’re there with me getting a kick out of it.”  Jared leans forward to bop a kiss on the end of Jensen’s nose.  “And if you find some guys that you feel are safe enough to let in on what we do and you want to do a scene like that, give me to them, make me serve them, make me let them hurt me, then I’m very happy to go along with it as long as you’re there too and you’re getting off on it.  Maybe we’ll find the right guys and maybe watching them play with me will turn you on.  Yeah, I’ll admit the concept turns _me_ on.  I don’t know if it’d be the same in practice.  I know it would be hard for me, it would be extraordinarily humiliating and I’d want to die from shame and probably want to kill you, but if you were getting off on it then I’d do it, all of it, and I’d love it, Jensen.  But only then.  Only if you did too.”

Jensen gazes down into earnest hazel eyes and wonders how he ever got this lucky in life.  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says at last.  “But even though they didn’t do anything to you today, you still have to pay for that outing.”  That was their agreement last night, when Jared seemed unsure and Jensen wanted to give him something to hold onto all day. 

“Your reports done?”

“Screw the reports.”

“Jensen—“

“Jared.”

“Let me go shower, okay, because I’m gross with sweat and my hair smells like the lake.  You read the reports and then come find me when you’re done.”  Jared gives him a mischievous grin.  “You know you’ll thank me in the morning.”

Jensen does need to get them read, and if he follows through with the cage idea, he won’t be able to focus on them much come morning.  “Okay,” he concedes.  “You go shower, cold water only, then I want you in the corner on your knees.  While you wait for me, think about what I could have done today.  Think about how vulnerable you are to me, how utterly dependent on my kindness you are.”

That kind of talk does it for Jared, he knows, now that it’s theoretical again and he’s not having to deal with abandonment fears.  That’s obviously a topic to deal with another time, but for now, as he watches Jared scamper to the door after a final hard kiss, he has reports to read and a night of entertainment to plan.


	2. Chapter 2

The great thing about Texas in summer, Jared reflects as he shampoos up his hair, is that Jensen’s cold showers are blissful relief rather than the punishments he seems to think they are.  It’s not quite the same deep in a Canadian winter, but Jared’s done the research and even in those circumstances he’s happy to comply because the health benefits can’t be denied, and in fact he should take daily cold showers and so should Jensen.  Except that’s a laugh, the very thought of Jensen in a cold shower.  He seems to consider them with much the same enthusiasm as he has for green beans.

Jared slips beneath the cool spray to rinse and chuckles at the memory of Jensen’s horror of grean beans.  Imagine if they did this the other way around, with Jared taking charge of things for Jensen.  Would he find it within himself to make Jensen take cold showers or consume green beans?  He tries to picture keeping Jensen at the table until he swallows an entire plateful of them.  Knowing Jensen, he’d deliberately throw them up all over Jared to ensure it never happened again.

Which is why they play the way they do, because while Jared would loathe being forced to eat a food that he detests, he’d still get a kick out of obeying Jensen’s order to eat it. 

It’s a topic he often muses about, what makes them work like this, what it is in their brains, in their individual chemistry, that makes Jensen like inflicting agonies on Jared and makes Jared thrill to have them inflicted by him.  Why doesn’t it work the other way around?  He used to worry about it early in their relationship when they were still feeling their way into this thing, terrified of damaging each other, afraid to expose to the other just how extreme their desires went.  He worried that Jensen might despise him for seeming to not protect himself, not stand up for himself, for appearing to let Jensen _abuse_ him.  For being so weak.  He knew he wasn’t weak, that that’s not where he was coming from at all, he has to be fucking strong to find glory in degradation instead of being broken by it, but he had no idea if Jensen could comprehend such seemingly contradictory concepts.

It turned out that it was actually harder to convince Jensen that he wasn’t a monster for the things he wanted to do to Jared. 

They’ve come a long way since those days, and Jared’s pleased that Jensen has found peace regarding his desires.  He no longer seems to worry that he’ll go too far, that he’ll be too depraved for Jared to tolerate, to accept.  Although tonight was odd.  It was the first time in a while that Jared hasn’t been sure how to read him.  If he’s honest, the thought of Jensen dispatching him off to a group of men to be abused by them on Jensen’s order is hot, it’s fucking hot.  But, as he told Jensen, _only_ if he knew Jensen was getting off at home on knowing that while he’s casually lounging around or working or going out with friends, Jared is suffering for him.  And Jensen wouldn’t.  Jared knows that for certain.  Jensen would hate it.  He’d be on edge and desperate with worry and the need to know how Jared was doing, if Jared was safe, if Jared was enjoying himself, and that would remove all sexual excitement from it for him.

Surely Jensen must know that.  So why was he talking the way he was tonight?  He can’t possibly have felt insecure, not after all these years.  As Jared finishes off in the shower, he thinks back over the past few weeks.  Nothing out of the ordinary has happened between them, nothing that seems likely to have triggered Jensen’s vulnerabilities. 

Or….he pauses as the thought occurs to him….what if the fantasy itself set him off?  What if, while Jared was out today, Jensen thought about him submitting to other men and it turned him on and that terrified him shitless?  That makes more sense. 

And it means it might be something Jared will have to ease him towards. 

No, he doesn’t particularly want any other man to touch him, but that’s not the point.  If the man is touching him as Jensen’s appointed agent, at Jensen’s direction, and if knowing Jared is being violated by someone else gets Jensen hot and wild, then Jared is all for it. 

They already play with Jensen’s jealousy issues out in public, and that was something that Jensen suppressed for the longest time, dreading that if Jared found out he’d feel suffocated and resentful, but it’s turned into one of their most delightful games.  This might end up the same way, although they have to be more careful because they can’t just randomly involve anyone.  Jared’s gonna have to think about this one.  Maybe it’s worth exploring it in fantasy first, since thinking about it obviously got Jensen hard earlier. 

Jared’s pretty hard himself, considering he’s stepping out of a cold shower, just from contemplating the kind of fantasies he might start weaving for Jensen about this.  He surveys himself ruefully in the bathroom mirror.  He got sunburned today, something he needs to ease off on as season 13 approaches.  He’s lucky Jensen didn’t pick that to punish him for tonight, and he shivers remembering Jensen’s last reaction to sunburn on Jared’s skin, all that scorching candle wax on already painful skin, unceasingly through the night, until all that kept him sane was how gorgeous Jensen looks by candlelight and how vividly it makes his eyes glow. 

He could have done with something like that tonight to take him out of himself and away from all the shit going on around them this summer.

Although, from the promise in Jensen’s eyes, he’s got quite a night ahead of him anyway.

Not knowing how long Jensen’s reports are, he doesn’t take time to do more than slick the water off his hair and body with the towel before hanging it neatly up again—another pain-filled lesson from Jensen involving impersonating a towel rack and dangling them over his extended arms until he was incoherent from the strain of it, definitely one of the more unpleasant of Jensen’s ideas—and dropping to his knees in the corner he knows Jensen meant. 

 _His_ corner.

As he situates himself comfortably in the position Jensen’s drilled into him it occurs to him that he no longer feels any sense of humiliation when he kneels here on Jensen’s order.  He did, before, the slithery shame of being a grown man banished to the corner like a naughty little boy, but now, outside of Jensen’s immediate orbit, it’s his safest place.  He can feel himself already starting to sink, starting to let go.  Whatever happens now is outside of his control.  Everything’s up to Jensen.  Jared has no idea what he’s going to go through tonight, what torments Jensen has planned, so he can’t even try to prepare himself.  All he has to do now is trust that Jensen will take care of him, and he has no doubts on that score.

He deepens his breath, slows it down.  There’s no way to know how long he has to wait, but that doesn’t matter; Jensen might even choose to leave him kneeling here by himself all night.  What matters is that this is where Jensen wants him in this moment, naked and obedient, waiting. 

So Jared waits.


	3. Chapter 3

As an exercise in self-control, Jensen studies each report in depth, giving it the full attention it requires.  If he can impose these kinds of exercises on Jared, it’s even more important he should practise them himself.  He spends a large part of his life responsible for them both, and Jared has to be able to implicitly trust in Jensen’s ability to retain firm control at all times, no matter his desires or cravings.  So he sets aside thoughts of cool water sliding down long brown flanks and buries himself in architectural inspections and test results. 

Almost an hour has passed when he closes the last one and glances at his watch.  Jared’s been kneeling for at least 40 minutes. 

Jared is waiting for him.

Jensen makes him wait a little longer while he carries out a few preparations, then he heads to their bedroom.  Jared is exactly where he belongs at a time like this: on his knees in the far corner, resting on his heels, hands clasped gently behind his back, spine straight, head bowed.  It took a lot of training to build up his tolerance in this position, and they tried a few adjustments along the way, but he assures Jensen now that it’s comfortable for long periods. 

They even used it for a while as a safe place for him when he started feeling troubled and upset, when he was first figuring out coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with the darkness inside of him.  There was a time when any form of sex was too much for him, when even a caress hurt him somewhere deep and shredded, and he started to panic that he was letting Jensen down by being difficult and alienating.  For too long he forced himself to submit to Jensen, unwilling to admit there was anything wrong, but he couldn’t maintain the pretence and Jensen tries not to remember how devastated he felt once he comprehended the damage he was causing simply by going about business as usual.  That was when they had to start again, and this position was key to building the relationship they have today.

Most importantly, Jensen now knows that he can trust Jared.  They have a signal.  If Jared feels in any way off, not up to what Jensen might have planned, he switches the way his hands are clasped. If it’s his left wrist grasping his right, Jensen knows to take it easy, to back off and see if they need to cancel it altogether and just go to bed and cuddle, or even if he needs to sleep in one of the spare rooms to give Jared space.  Jared has confessed that when he’s in a bad place he finds it difficult to talk about it, and this nonverbal signal has saved more than one session from ending badly.

Tonight, however, it’s Jared’s left wrist encircled.  Jensen scans him anyway for the other clues he’s picked up during the past couple of years.  No, Jared looks good.  He’s relaxed, breathing slowly and deeply in a natural way, not as though he’s rigidly controlling it, and when Jensen slides a casual hand through his hair, Jared doesn’t jump, just nuzzles his head slightly into Jensen’s palm. 

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen says.

“Hey, Jensen.”

It’s their final confirmation.  Any variation on that answer from Jared and Jensen will pause to investigate, but tonight the correct answer comes, in a voice that sounds languid, almost sleepy.  Well, Jensen will be changing that, but this is exactly where he was hoping to start.

He helps Jared up, supports his weight while Jared flexes muscles that have been frozen in place, then pulls Jared down into a wet, hot kiss to distract him from the fierce prickle of revitalised blood flow.  God, he loves kissing Jared.  For all his intentions tonight, he could just as happily spend the next several hours like this. 

But he has plans, and sooner than he’d like, he pulls away and tugs Jared in the direction of the bed.  “Lie down on your front.”

Jared whines in rebellion.  “No more kissing?”

“Do boys who got sunburned get kissed?”

“You just kissed me.”  Jared processes the rest of his sentence and groans.  “I thought you were gonna let it slide.”

“Have you met me?”

“Sometimes you do.”

“Sometimes I _postpone_ it.”

“Not tonight?”

“Not tonight.” 

He’s rewarded for his implacability by the flare in Jared’s eyes anticipating impending punishment.  Jensen would lose his mind if he had someone riding him this way, nitpicking at his behaviour and then daring to punish him for infractions, but something about it pushes Jared’s buttons in a good way.  It’s the security of it, he told Jensen once.  It’s a bit like his love of bondage: he can’t wriggle out of a well-tied rope and nor can he wriggle out of a well-earned punishment.  And, fortunately for them, Jensen has his own button that means he finds an unexpected delight in meting it out. 

As Jared stretches out on the bed, he crosses to the cabinet where he put the supplies he brought with him and  selects the first item.  “Spread out your arms and legs to each corner.”

“Are you gonna tie me?”

“Not for the moment.”  He wants to laugh at Jared’s disappointed expression.  “Maybe later, if you’re good.”

“I’ll be good.”

“We’ll see.”

Jared shoots him a Sam-worthy beseeching look, but it dissolves into the kind of sparkly smile that Sam’s never been capable of.  “You gonna tell me what you have planned?”

“You’re not getting off to the best start, Jared.  Spread out.”

Chastened, but still sparkling, Jared obliges.  Before joining him, Jensen stands beside the bed and lets himself look at all the bare flesh laid out at his command, mostly golden and tinged with pink that will brown by morning.  He’s not burnt, by any means, but in their world continuity is important and a rule is a rule. 

Jared flinches when Jensen first touches his skin, then he gives a low rumbling laugh.  “Thought this was meant to be punishment.”

“Don’t be sassy.”  Jensen gives a sharp slap to one of the pale buttocks before him.  “Treatment first.”

“I’m not burned enough to need aloe.”

“Give me time.”  Firm strokes over Jared’s shoulders spread the gel over heated skin and enable him to massage out any stress from their position in the corner. 

“Time?”  Jared turns his head as if to try to see Jensen.  “Is that not aloe?” 

“ _This_ is.”  He watches Jared digest that as he moves his attention to the long, spread arms.  “You remember wanting to try ginger the other day?  I got some.”

“No way!  Really?”  Jared sounds all too delighted at the thought but Jensen’s tried it on himself.  That delight won’t last.

“Really.”

He hadn’t planned to warn Jared in advance, but Jared’s anticipatory smile pleases him.  Despite all their years together, Jared retains his eager enthusiasm for everything they try, and Jensen loves it.  That’s what gives him the confidence to push their boundaries far further than he could have imagined back when they began this. 

Jared moans a complaint when Jensen skips his ass and moves straight down to barely pink legs, then obligingly flips over when asked.  He smiles sleepily up.  “I burned my nose.”

“I saw.  Silly boy.”

“Your silly boy.”

“Always mine.”  Jensen drops a kiss on the nose in question then brings gelled fingers towards it.  “Ready?”

When Jared nods, he smooths coolness across warm nose and cheeks and forehead, careful to avoid the eye area, then slides his hands down to Jared’s broad chest.  He’s tempted to play, but resists.  His time is coming.

“Okay, back over.”

“Kiss me?”

“Not now.  Now it’s time for punishment.  Get on your knees, ass up.”

 

*

 

Jared knows he should be nervous, but he’s too eager for the new experience.  It’ll hurt, according to his research, it’ll burn unbearably and he knows he’s sensitive there and ten minutes from now he might be desperate to be back in this moment where he can still stop Jensen, but he wants this too much.  He wants to know.  If it sucks, it’ll just be for tonight and then never again, unless he greenlights it for Jensen as a suitable real punishment when something he detests is required. 

It feels good at first, tingly after Jensen’s cool, efficient fingers opening him up for it. 

“You okay?”

“’m good.”

“Doesn’t hurt?”

How much does he love this man who takes such care when deliberately torturing him?  “Not yet.”

Jensen works the fresh ginger plug in more deeply.  It’s thicker than Jared expected, broader than two of Jensen’s fingers.  He luxuriates in the humiliating stretch of it, which always goes to his head.  Except, no, he needs to concentrate on what this feels like so he can give Jensen an accurate analysis afterwards. 

Okay.  The tingle’s edging towards burn now.  And it’s deep.  Trust Jensen to carve him something huge to start with.  It’s deep and thick and burning a lot now.

“Jay?”

“You’ll be pleased,” he gasps as he flexes his muscles trying to adjust.  “It burns like fuck.”

“Yeah?  Too much?”

“Not yet.”

Jensen lands a hard smack right over the ginger plug.  “How’s that feel?”

“Fuckin’ amazin’.”

“Great.” 

A paddle smashes into his ass before Jensen’s finished the word.  No warm-up spanking first, just hard and heavy.  Punishment blows. 

This.  This is what he’s craving after his day away.  Clenching his fists on either side of his head, he tries to remain obediently in place but soon his ass is dancing, being burned from both without and within.  Jensen’s not letting up, not settling into any pattern Jared can anticipate, just beating him with fast, ruthless strokes. 

He knows he’s moaning into the pillows, trying not to cry out as impact after impact rocks through him.  The ginger magnifies the heat and makes it impossible to lie still.  He can’t relax into the reassuring blows because it’s driving him demented inside.  It hurts and it burns and fuck Jensen for doing this to him.

“Do I need to tie you down?”  Jensen sounds like Dean as he pauses the paddling, like a pissed-off Dean exasperated with Sam’s lack of cooperation. 

“No,” Jared snaps.  Not being able to move against the burn would be hideous.

“Then stay still.”

“It fucking hurts, Jensen!”

“Good.  Too much?”

“ _Yes._ ” 

But he’s lying and Jensen knows it.  In response, he lays into Jared’s ass even harder, planting his hand on Jared’s back to keep him still.  The next time Jared tries to wriggle away, Jensen lands a torrent of blows on his thighs.  Bastard.  He knows how much Jared hates being beaten there.  It just hurts, with none of the excitement of hits to his ass. 

“Fuck you!”

He gets a blistering blow for that one, dead centre against the ginger, and he howls.

Only to realise that Jensen’s laughing.  “Oh my God, Jay, I wish you could see yourself.  I should’ve been filming this.  You can’t stay still for a moment, not even a single second.  Your ass is literally humping the air.  Does the ginger feel like it’s fucking you?  Or are you trying to force it out?”

Jensen expects coherence?  “Fucking take it out of me.”

“Nope.”

“Jensen.”

“Jared.”

“It hurts too much now.”

“Good.”

“Not _good._   Take it out.”

Instead of complying, Jensen jerks his legs out from under him so he’s lying flat and quickly binds both his ankles to the straps that live attached to the bottom of the bed. 

Jared tries to jackknife up.  “What the fuck?”

“Get down.”  A firm fist in his back forces him flat again.  “Give me your left hand.”

“Don’t you dare—Jensen—what are you doing?”

“Tying you up, babe.”

How can Jensen sound so relaxed and casual when Jared’s losing his mind?  “Take it out,” he warns as he loses authority over his arms.  “You’re gonna take it out, right?”

“Of course I am.  In a bit.”

“Jensen, _now._ ”

“Aww.”  Jensen chuckles as he finishes Jared’s right wrist.  He moves over Jared and takes hold of him, grinding his ass cheeks together around the fucking ginger.  “Does this hurt?”

“Yes!”

“Good.”  Jensen hops off him.  “I’m off to shower.  You lie there and think about how it feels to have a giant ginger root shoved up your ass.”

“What?”  Jared scrabbles to look over his shoulder.  The fucker is grinning.  “You’re gonna leave me here?”

“I’ll be right there.  You’ll be able to hear the water running.  If you need me, just call.”

“I need you!”

“Colour?”

Damn Jensen.  It would serve him right if Jared said red.  “Green,” he admits.  “That doesn’t make this okay, though.”

“It’s punishment, Jay.  It’s not meant to feel pleasant.”

It feels like a fucking age until Jensen returns.  Jared writhes on the bed as much as his bonds allow, fiercely resentful of the cool water available to Jensen right now.  He should have showered for longer himself.  He should have frozen his skin so that he’d be able to cope with this, if only he’d had any clue it was tonight’s agenda.  Better yet, he shouldn’t have started hinting at wanting to try this recently.  What was he thinking?  It’s used as _punishment_ for a reason, because it hurts and is unpleasant; in fact, it’s absolutely awful. 

He tries relaxing into the burn.  The smarting on his skin from the paddle settles into a soothing, blissful warmth; why can’t the ginger do the same? 

It itches.  It’s like a living flame tormenting his insides, flickering and snapping, not leaving him alone for a second.  He desperately needs to alleviate it—but he can’t.  He can’t do a fucking thing except lie here and take it because Jensen decided he should.

“Jensen!” he yells when the water turns off.

“Jay?”  Jensen’s in the doorway immediately.  “You okay?”

He means to tell Jensen off, but now that Jensen’s back with him he starts to shake.  “It hurts,” he whimpers.  “Please, Jensen, make it stop.”

“Colour?”

“No.”

“Give me your colour, Jared.”

“Get it out of me.”

“Colour first.”

If he gives his colour he’ll doom himself and he can’t make the word come.  “This is horrible.”

“Green horrible or red horrible?”

Fuck Jensen’s tenacity.  “ _You’re_ horrible.”

“Yes, I am.”  Jensen’s tone relaxes now he knows what Jared won’t tell him.  “Now lie there and think about what a careless, silly boy you were today for not taking adequate care of your skin.  You’re the one who let it burn.  This burn is merely reminding you why it wasn’t a good idea.”  He clenches Jared’s ass cheeks tightly together like he did earlier, intensifying the ginger’s evilness, then presses a kiss to the sweat-soaked dip of Jared’s lower back.  “This is gonna happen every time you burn yourself, okay, Jay?  Every time.  Think about that while I go dry off.”


	4. Chapter 4

It probably shouldn’t give him so much pleasure to see Jared so distressed, but Jensen feels gleeful as he towels his hair dry.  He’s such a masochist that it’s hard for Jensen to find things that he truly hates, but it’s suffering those things, those things he finds unbearable, purely for Jensen’s sake, that get Jared going the most, so Jensen’s on an endless search for them.  This looks like another one for the list.

After enduring it so sweetly and being honest and not trying to lie his way out of it, Jared deserves a reward.  Jensen has just the thing in mind.

First, however, it’s time to rescue him from the ginger.

Jared’s moaning continuously as his hips thrash against the burn.  The sight is mesmerising, watching that rosy ass repeatedly tighten and relax around the invasive root.  Since he hadn’t earlier, Jensen grabs his phone and gets the camera running.  He traces it slowly over Jared’s heaving back then zeroes in on his churning ass.  “Tell me how you feel.”

“I feel like I’m on fire.”  Jared doesn’t hesitate.  “It’s relentless, won’t leave me alone, won’t stop hurting me.  It’s vicious, Jensen.  It’s mean and cruel and hates me as much as you do.”

“You should say thank you to it for helping me teach you a lesson.”

“I’m not saying thank you to a fucking piece of ginger!”

“I’m not taking it out until you do.”

“You’re mean.”

“Careful how much you insult me, Jay.  You still have a lot coming to you tonight.”

“I love you, Jensen, you’re wonderful and awesome and will you please for the love of God get this thing out of my ass!”

“Say thank you.”

“Damn you.”

“I can go away again.  Go read some more reports.  Leave you here for another hour like that.”

“You’re evil.”

“It’s your choice.  Completely up to you.  You want to keep burning up from the inside?  Or do you want to admit that you deserved to be chastened by a vegetable?”

“Ginger’s not a vegetable.”

“Not the point.  You have one minute, Jared.”

Jared capitulates sooner than expected, just a couple more writhes, a deep shaky breath, then, “Thank you, damn it, ginger, for helping Jensen teach me a lesson.”

He sounds so put out that Jensen laughs.  “And what was that lesson?”

“Not to get burned.”

“By what?”

“The sun.”

“Or?”

“Or you’ll burn my ass with ginger.  I did it, Jensen, take it out!”

It’s tough to get it out because Jared’s protesting muscles are so tight around it.  Sweat pours down Jared’s back and Jensen uses that to slick the way until a firm tug releases the ginger root that’s causing so much agitation.  Jared cries out as it leaves him, then shudders violently.

Jensen drops the ginger.  “How’s that?”

“Still burning.  They said it’s supposed to stop straight away.”

“Maybe it’s not done teaching you your lesson.”

“Very funny.”

“You want me to undo you?”

For the first time since the ginger began its treatment, Jared turns to look at him.  His eyes are damp and a little wild, but his forehead is smooth, no more worry lines.  “What’s the cost?”

“There’s no cost,” Jensen says innocently, as though he hadn’t made Jared choke just last month for every binding loosened. 

After a measured look, Jared lets him get away with it.  “It’s getting better now.  If you want me here for whatever your next plan is, I’m okay.”

“I’d prefer you bent over for this one.”

“More paddling?”  Despite the torture he’s just gone through, Jared’s face lights up.  “I thought we were done with that for the night.”

“What, you wanted more?”  Jared always wants more when it comes to heavy impact play.  “Sorry, that’s not what I had in mind.”

“Something worse?”

Jensen pulls out the cane.

“Shit,” Jared breathes, fixated on it as Jensen shows it to him.  “Thought you said it was too dangerous?”

“It’s not something that’s wise to use when we’re working, but I’ve been practising.  It takes very little effort to hurt a hell of a lot.”  He smacks it down hard across his palm for Jared to see the effect on flesh, the instant white line reflecting the white hot pain it causes, fading slowly into violent red.  Despite the fact he knew it was coming, it’s hard to keep a spurt of reflexive tears from his eyes.  He blinks them away, but not before Jared’s seen them.

“You tried it on yourself, didn’t you?”

“Shoulda seen the front of my thigh,” Jensen jokes.  “It was while you were in Florida.”  It had helped, actually.  For the first time he’d understood a little of Jared’s attraction to physical pain, feeling the relief of his internal strain as everything focused on the blazing lines of fire down his thighs.  He’d ended up doing it more than intended, harder than necessary, so he didn’t ache too much from his need to go and rescue Jared from that ridiculous farce.  They both knew it was necessary and, for fuck’s sake, it was just for a few days, but Jared sounded more miserable in every phone call and Jensen perfected his skill with the cane long before they left for Australia.  He’s kept it up since Italy, although no longer practising on himself, waiting for the right moment to introduce it to Jared, which seems to have come tonight.

Jared’s gone quiet, contemplating being caned at last.  It’s not a bad quiet, so Jensen leaves him to it and unstraps him from the bed, easing his muscles back into use.  Jared submits to his care, only grunting when Jensen sticks a couple of fingers inside him to investigate the remnants of the ginger treatment.

“Still sore?”

“Feels okay now.  Almost good in comparison.”

Helping him up, Jensen hands him a cup of water from the bathroom.  “How’re you doing?”

“Green.”

“Not what I asked.”

Jared nods in acknowledgement as he drains the cup.  “It’s gonna hurt, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”  Taking it from him, Jensen brushes back Jared’s damp hair and evaluates him.  He looks eager for what’s coming, which is what Jensen wants to see.   “A lot.  We’ll take it easy at first, see how it goes.”

Jared captures his wrist, presses a kiss against the palm of his hand.  “No.  Please.  I want it hard.  I want it as hard as you can.  I want to know.”

That’s what Jensen longs to give him, but he doesn’t want to put Jared off trying it again if it’s too intense.  “You’re getting no warm-up beyond that paddling earlier,” he cautions.  “Since this is the first time, you’ll have to rate it for me.  Just a couple of times so I can gauge what it’s like for you.  But don’t worry.”  He brings their linked hands to his own lips.  “I’ll make it a lot harder than you’d like by the end.”

That pleases Jared.  “I don’t hate you after all.”

“Oh, you will.”

 

*

 

To his chagrin, Jared actually feels scared as he takes the position Jensen urges him into, bending over the desk that’s there for solely this reason.  Done wrong, this implement can leave lifelong scars.  It’s still used as a judicial punishment in countries like Indonesia, and he shivers at the thought of being in some government building while impersonal officials prepare to cane his bare ass.  That could be an enticing game to play one day in the future when he knows what’s coming, pretending Jensen is a sheriff or police officer raining down justice on Jared’s misbehaving ass, but right now he needs to know it’s his lover behind him.

“Jen?”

“I’m here.”  Jensen’s cool hand slides down his spine.  “Are you comfortable?”

“As I can be.”

“I’m gonna give you one, and you tell me a number where 1 is negligible and 10 is unbearable and 5 is hurts but good.  Ready?”

“Yeah.” 

He braces, holds his breath. 

_Whack._

He hears it before he feels it.  He feels nothing, in fact, for two blessed seconds, then it’s like fire just branded him.  “Fuck!”

“Number?” Jensen purrs.  His fingers explore what must be the reddening welt, judging by what Jared saw happen to his hand, and Jared flinches away from it.

“Six.”

“Want it harder?”

It’s still burning, increasing by the moment.  “How many are you planning?”

“These are just the test strokes.”

Jensen cracks the cane down again.  Again there’s a few seconds of anticipation before the pain hits, and Jared can’t stop himself from crying out when it does.

“Number?”

“Eight.”  It’s right on the edge of what he can stand, and perversely he wants more.  “Give me a nine.”

Jensen does so.  And Jared screams.

Instantly Jensen’s bent over beside him.  “ _Was_ that nine?”

“Yeah,” he pants.  “Fuck me, that hurts.  Shit, Jen, you have no idea.  Please tell me you never hit yourself that hard.”

“Not even close,” Jensen admits.  “You sure that was nine and not ten?”

“I don’t wanna feel ten.  Please.  Not tonight.”

Jensen reaches down to squeeze his fiery flesh.  “You won’t, I promise.  But you are gonna get nine more at nine, making 12 altogether.”

Nine!  Jared doesn’t think he can take two.  Not at nine.  But this is what he asked for and it’s what Jensen wants to give him, so he refrains from arguing.  He can do this.  He’s big and strong and tough, plus he likes pain.  He can survive this.

Sam Winchester would be ashamed of the way he screams through it.  Sam would never give anyone the satisfaction of making him scream like that, but Jared is safe with Jensen and he knows Jensen won’t judge.  He also knows Jensen likes the screams, likes for Jared not to hold back, likes for him to express exactly how much it hurts.  When they roleplay judicial punishment he’ll experiment with self-control, but for tonight he lets it explode out of him until his throat is hoarse. 

Afterwards, he sobs.  He doesn’t know how they got back to the bed, but he’s wrapped in Jensen’s arms, shaking and crying like a kid, and he can’t stop.  Unlike the ginger, which ceased hurting after Jensen took it out, the weals from the cane hurt even worse now that Jensen’s stopped using it on him.  It’s burning him up and he’d welcome the conflagration if only it would end him, end this. 

“I wanna say red and make it stop,” he hiccups into Jensen’s chest.  “I want it to stop and it won’t.”

“No.”  Jensen strokes his back, making gentle soothing noises.  “It’ll hurt for the rest of the week while you go out again with the others.  You’ll take this pain with you, Jay.  You’ll take my marks with you.  You’ll hurt for every moment that you’re away from me and you’ll remember bending over for me and suffering for me and it’ll be like I’m with you, even though I’m not.”

It makes sense, and the thought of it is comforting even while the pain itself is not.  “So you get to think of me with them and suffering for your pleasure anyway,” he jokes, referring to their conversation earlier.  “Clever, Jen.”

“ _I_ thought so.”

Somehow he manages a laugh.  “I think I came.  When you caned me.”

“You did.”

Yeah.  He hadn’t been able to tell what was setting off the fireworks in his brain.  Great.  “Did you tell me to?”

“Nope.”

“Shit.” 

Jensen’s laugh rumbles against his chest.  “Just lie here with me for a moment before I punish you for it.”

Jared does, and although his pain doesn’t lessen, his awareness of it does.  He adjusts.  This is the new status quo.  He burrows against Jensen.  “What did it look like?”

“Your ass under the cane?”

“Mm.”

“Awesome.  Seriously, it’s fuckin’ amazing watching the way the welts form.  We’ve never used anything that leaves marks like this.”

“Wonder how long they’ll last.”

“Maybe a week?”

“We should photograph my ass each day so we know.  For future reference.”

“I videoed it,” Jensen confesses.  “Not the whole scene, just focused on your ass.  Thought you might want to see what it looked like as it happened.”

There are lots of reasons Jared loves Jensen, and their shared enthusiasm for documenting things is definitely one of them.  “Can we watch it now?”

“In a minute.  I want your breathing to get back to normal first.”

It’s not normal?  He pays attention.  No, it’s still hitching and gasping as though he’s crying.  “I’m _not_ crying.”

“Just breathe, Jay.”

As he obeys, Jared’s thoughts drift to the state of his ass.  He thought the whip Jensen tried on him once was bad, but it didn’t leave much in the way of marks, and the pain died away once Jensen stopped lashing him.  It was stinging and agonising in the moment, and he detested it enough that they’ve never done it again, but this is a different kind of pain.  It’s deeper.  Not like the heavy thuds of something like a paddle, not the blazing snaps of the belt, but a mixture of the two.  He feels like he’s been sliced open. 

“Is it bleeding?”

Jensen checks.  “Just a little.  I’ll clean it up for you if you’re ready.”

“You made me bleed?”

“I did.”  Something Jensen very rarely does.  “Your nine was a lot harder than I expected it to be.  We can experiment again at lower numbers, see if it’s worse to have lots at lower.  I don’t want to leave permanent marks.”

Jared lies quietly while Jensen fetches antiseptic and a cool, damp cloth.  It provides a measure of cooling, but not for long.  “Picture?” he asks.

When Jensen’s taken it, he joins Jared back on the bed, holding his phone sideways so Jared can see without needing to turn over.  “Look at you, babe.  Look at what you took for me.”

“Fuck.”  Jensen’s good.  The livid lines are even and parallel, similar distances between them.  Spots ooze little droplets of blood and he longs to trace them with his fingers, marvelling that Jensen was willing to draw his blood.  It’s real blood.  Not the fake stuff they use on the show.  It’s real, part of what pumps around his body keeping him alive, and Jensen released it.  “Thank you,” he murmurs, brushing his head against Jensen’s shoulder behind him.  “I love this.”  He shifts a little, sparking fresh flames across his ass, just enough that he can see Jensen’s face.  “What about you?  Did you like it?”

He knows from Jensen’s smile before his words.  “I loved it too.  I’m really glad to hear you did, because I’m already eager to do it again.  It feels good, the way it smacks into flesh, much better than the cushion I was practising on.  It bounces.  I can see it going into you, almost like it’s penetrating you.  And I like knowing the way it feels, knowing how there’s that second before you feel it, when you’ve heard that thwack and you’re still fine, then all of a sudden you’re not.  I like watching you, knowing you’re feeling that.  I like watching the way all your muscles go rigid when it hits you.  And I loved your screams.”  He bends down for a soft kiss.  “Thank you for screaming for me, Jared.”

“You’re welcome,” Jared says into his mouth.  “Thank you for caning me.”

He turns onto his side enough for them to make out, slow and sloppy.  He can feel Jensen’s erection against his thigh.  Shit.  He hasn’t thought that far ahead.

“Are you gonna fuck me like this?”  He can’t imagine how much the impact of Jensen’s hips against his ass will hurt.

“I should.  That should be your punishment for coming without permission.”

Jared whimpers at the thought.  “But you won’t?”

“Not this time.  I’m gonna fuck your throat.”

Although Jared mastered deep throating a long time ago, it’s not something they do too often.  He needs his voice during filming and conventions, and too much friction too deep from Jensen’s frankly too large cock in his narrow throat damages it noticeably.  But there’s no filming this week, no convention, no public appearances.  Just Jared going out with the guys without Jensen.  Not only will his ass throb, but every word he speaks will resonate with Jensen’s presence.  “Yes, please,” he says.

Jensen laughs.  “Thought you’d like that.  You don’t get to come, though.”

Obviously.  “That’s my punishment?”

“You wish.”  Jensen’s hand dances down over the welts, squeezes gently.  “You’ll find that out afterwards.”

It takes a bit of experimentation to find a position that works for his ass.  He ends up on his back on the bed, enjoying the pressure of it against his ass as he drops his head off the end so Jensen has free access to his throat.  He loves Jensen taking him like this, loves the way it strips him of all agency and he can’t even try to participate.  All he has to do is open his mouth and let Jensen in, let Jensen use him, use the hole that his mouth and throat provide.

Jensen goes at it hard.  No mercy.  This is a fucking, nothing leisurely or tender about it.  He fucks in so deep on the first thrust that Jared gags, and doesn’t let up, leaving Jared to struggle for breath whenever he can manage it, sometimes bottoming out and staying there just to enjoy the pulses of Jared’s throat muscles around his cock while Jared lies there helpless, breathless.  Since they’re trying new things tonight, he thinks as stars start to pop before his eyes, maybe this’ll be the time Jensen makes him black out on his cock.  But Jensen pulls out again, gives him a moment to cough and splutter and force down the bile that wants to erupt, then starts pounding his throat again.

How the fuck does Jensen last so long?  Jared’s hard again, fighting not to come as desperately as he’s fighting for breath.  He digs his fingers into Jensen’s thighs above his head in an effort to keep them away from his cock.  He can’t come, can’t come, can’t come, can’t come.  It’s his mantra, repeated with every penetration of Jensen’s lucky cock which can come any fucking time it wants and just _isn’t._  

“Turn over.”

His body responds before he processes the words.  He’s too busy gasping for breath now his throat is free, deep, heaving gasps, his frantic lungs taking precedence over any agony from his caned ass as he flips over to his stomach and feels Jensen spin him around and spread his legs apart.  He lies there, limp, too exhausted to anticipate the pain when Jensen penetrates him between the welts anyway, despite promising not to, but all he feels is the cool spatter of Jensen’s come across his burning cheeks.

“Fuck, Jay,” Jensen says hoarsely, “that was good.  That _looks_ good.”

“Picture.  Wanna see.”  He hears the click and manages to turn his head when Jensen brings the phone to him. 

“Look at you, baby, all marked up for me.  By me.  With me.”


	5. Chapter 5

They cuddle for a while.  Jensen arranges them so he can keep an eye on Jared’s developing welts, and finds himself fascinated.  It’s awesome that Jared liked the cane, because now he has so many experiments running through his head that he wants to try.  He watched lots of videos in his research but didn’t dare let himself fantasise about the exciting possibilities until he knew how Jared would take it.  Turns out, Jared takes it wonderfully.

He still can’t believe Jared let him hit him so hard.  Using Jared’s scale, he estimates his hits to his own thigh were around five, if that, and he’d expected that to be about Jared’s eight.  Maybe he should get Jared to use it on his ass for him so he knows exactly how bad it is.  Jared would hate doing that.  It would disturb him no end, hurting Jensen that way. 

Ah.  That would make a perfect punishment for him for enjoying his caning too much.  And, if Jensen’s honest, while he won’t enjoy the infliction of it, he certainly won’t object to carrying around a similar pain to Jared’s all week while they’re mostly apart. 

He lets Jared doze for a few more minutes until he starts showing signs of restlessness that mean he’s coming up again.  Sliding out of Jared’s arms, Jensen fetches more water, watches while he drinks it, drinks some of his own.  He’s nervous, he realises, procrastinating by using the cool cloth from earlier on Jared’s ass again even though there’s no more blood.  It’s going to hurt so fucking much.

“You planning my punishment?” Jared asks huskily when Jensen’s fingers still over the welts.  “Please don’t say you were planning to cane my dick.”

“What?  No!”

“You sure?”

“I’m not gonna cane your dick.”

Mischief twinkles in Jared’s eyes.  “But you could.  People do.  Not so hard, obviously.  I don’t want you to, but it would make an awesome punishment.”

“I’m not going to cane your dick, Jesus.”  The thought of it is making Jensen hard but that’s something he hasn’t tried on himself and no way is he going near Jared’s dick with that thing until he knows in meticulous detail what effect it’ll have.  He breathes out, gives himself a moment to reconsider, then says, “You’re going to cane my ass.”

“What?”  Jared jerks up.  “I’m not caning you!”

“It’s your punishment.”

“How is that _my_ punishment?  You’re the one it hurts.”

“Will you enjoy hurting me?”

“Fuck, no.”

“Exactly.”  Jensen holds his gaze until Jared subsides.  “I’ll tell you the truth, okay?  Your nine was much higher than I expected and I need to know what it feels like.  So it’s not just punishment, it’s also research.  You can look at it like that, if you want.  I can’t cane my own ass and I know I can’t make myself hit my thigh that hard, so you have to do it.”

“Just once, right?”

“If you do it hard enough.  Let that be your motivation to get it right the first time.  C’mon, get up.  You’re going to practise first.”

Jared’s reluctant, but he obeys the command and gets to his feet.  Jensen watches closely in case of dizziness, but he seems okay, beyond a few winces.  He views the cane in Jensen’s hand with distaste.  “We really have to do this now?”

“Yup.” 

After Jensen demonstrates a few times, Jared takes the cane and tries it out.  With a few corrections he gets the hang of it quickly, putting his full focus into mastering a new skill the way Jensen was counting on.  Jensen demonstrates Jared’s nine, gets Jared to repeat it several times.

“That’s how hard you have to hit me.”

“I can’t.”  Jared looks down at the cane with loathing.  “Jensen, there’s no way I can hit you that hard.”

“What, you think I can’t take it?”

“ _I_ can’t.”  He puts the cane down on the pillow and falls to his knees at Jensen’s feet.  “I know you want me to, and I get it, I really do, but I can’t do it.  I was just imagining that pillow was you and I’m gonna cry if you make me do this.”

“It’s only once.  If you do it hard enough.”

“I won’t be able to, I know I won’t.  I’ll pull it at the last second and then I’ll have to do it again and I’d rather you repeat all those blows you gave to me, hell, I’d rather you repeat them on my dick, than make me hit you like that.”

“Jared.” Jensen crouches down to cup Jared’s face with his hands.  Tears are running down Jared’s cheeks and he licks one up.  “Listen to me, Jay.  This is a punishment.  You’re not meant to like it.  That’s the whole point.”

“But you’ve never made a punishment to me hurt _you_ before!”

“I know.  But think about it this way: now I’ll get to feel you with me all week too.  Are you really gonna be too selfish to let me have that?”

A laugh chokes out of Jared.  “That’s not fair.”

“Is it working?”

“You jerk.”

Jensen bites back the automatic response.  “Tell me, you gonna be a good boy now and take your punishment?”

“I hate you again.”

“Put all that hatred of yours behind the blow and once will work just fine.”

“All right,” Jared bites out.  “Okay?  You win.  I’ll do it.  But only once, Jensen, and then you promise me you’ll hit my dick.  Also just once.  Or as many times as I have to hit you to satisfy you.  Promise me that and I’ll do it.”

“Thought you didn’t want it on your dick.”

“I don’t, God, I don’t, but I need you to punish me for hurting you.  I know it’s crazy, that me hurting you is my punishment, and that’s fine, it’s a fucking good one, but I’m gonna need aftercare and I’m just telling you what it is.  You have to hit me back on my dick.” 

Shit.  Now what’s he supposed to do when he’s never hit his own and won’t have any idea how hard to do it.  Jensen thinks fast.  Okay, he can just tap it.  It’ll be too late for Jared to object because he’ll have already carried out his real punishment.  “Fine.  Now pick up that cane again and follow me to the desk.”

Stupidly, Jensen finds himself trembling as he bends over the desk.  It’s not that he’s scared of the pain so much as he’s scared of taking it badly.  Jared was so strong, and Jensen’s going to be a pathetic baby in comparison. 

“You want a warm up?” Jared asks behind him.

He hasn’t even considered that.  “No.  Just—do it.  And remember how hard you did it on the pillow.  Go practise again if you need to, to remind yourself.  I need you to hit me exactly that hard.  If it’s any less than that, any less at all, I’ll make you do it again and that will double the blows to your dick later.  Each time you have to hit me will double the blows for you.”  Please let that be sufficient motivation to make Jared do it properly the first time.  “Are you ready?”

“Just let me practise again.”

He hears the cane slam into the pillow.  It sounds right.  Fuck, the next time Jared does that it’ll be Jensen’s ass taking it. 

“Okay, I’m—I’m ready.  Are you?”

No.  Not in the slightest.  “Sure.  Go ahead.”

“Jen?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hold my hand while I do it?”

Jared’s hand is already scrabbling for his, and Jensen lets him twine them together, the contact as grounding for him as it obviously is for Jared.  “You ready now?”

“On three.”  Jared’s voice is already ragged from the pounding of his throat earlier, but now it’s so raspy it’s barely audible.  “One……two…… _three.”_

Jensen isn’t proud of himself, but he screams.  Loud and wild, or maybe it’s more of a roar, and his voice will be as wrecked as Jared’s but he can’t seem to stop as long as the fire is biting into him.  Jared’s beside him, bent over him, their cheeks pressed together, tears from Jared soaking them both as he grips both of Jensen’s hands.

“Breathe,” Jared’s saying.  “You need to breathe in, Jen.”

Thank God the screaming has stopped. 

“Breathe, damn it.”

Oh.  Breathe.  Yes.  Good idea.  No wonder Jared’s breath sounded so choppy earlier.  His does too as he drags it in, then struggles to release it without sound.

“Do you need to cry?” Jared asks.  “It’s okay if you do.  And please tell me that was hard enough because I don’t think I could do it again no matter how many times you threatened to cane my dick.”

Jensen tries to laugh, but it hurts.  “It was enough.”

“Thank fuck.”

The pain isn’t so bad now, but it’s not going away by any means.  He can’t fathom how Jared took twelve of these.  What was he thinking?  Wasn’t the traditional English school punishment six of the best?  What was wrong with him thinking Jared should get twelve?

Jared’s stroking his back now, long, slow strokes that Jensen tries to match his breath to.  “On the scale you gave me, what would you rate that as?”

“It was a nine.”

“No, that was _my_ nine.  What’s _your_ number?”

“Jay.”  He’s going to embarrass himself if he answers truthfully.

“I know I’m abnormal with pain, so I know your number will be different.  Anyway, my numbers have a built-in quotient for being turned on, which yours don’t.  So what is it?”

“About twelve,” Jensen confesses. 

 

*

Shit.  Twelve.  Jared wants to punch him.  He can’t even imagine what twelve would feel like on his own scale and he’s the one who _likes_ pain, not like Jensen, who can take it but gets no pleasure from it, doesn’t feel it fire up his veins and ignite his blood the way Jared does. 

Keeping one hand rubbing Jensen’s neck, he slides the other down to the vivid welt he’s left on Jensen’s pale skin.  It darkens as he watches it, turning from red to crimson to purple.  He’s drawn blood too, very little, just pinpricks, really, but all the same, he’s drawn blood on Jensen’s skin.  “You’re bleeding,” he murmurs.  “I need to clean you up.  May I, before you punish me?”

Jensen gives a depleted laugh.  “That _was_ your punishment, Jay.”  He turns his head to look over his shoulder, and Jared’s relieved to see his eyes are dry.  “But if you mean before I give you your aftercare, that’s up to you.”

“It’s part of my aftercare,” he says frankly.  It’s part of Jensen’s too, although he wouldn’t agree he needs any. 

Jared doesn’t need to go far, the antiseptic and wipes are still on the bed where Jensen left them, and he quickly returns before Jensen can get up and decide he doesn’t want it after all.  He doesn’t need to think about it to drop to his knees.  He shouldn’t be on his feet at all through any of this, unless Jensen specifically directs him there.  His heels digging into his own welts helps soothe some of the wildness in his brain as he takes in the damage he’s done. 

“Picture?” Jensen asks.

Jared’s ahead of him and already snagged the camera.  He snaps the photo, then flips the pictures back to compare it with the one of his own ass.  Good.  His is horrific in comparison, far more swollen, lots more blood.  He stares at it for a moment then returns to the one of Jensen’s single loathsome welt. 

“Show me.”

Because he can’t look at it anymore, he hands the phone over and picks up the antiseptic.  Let him rather focus on making it better, on trying to reduce the sting for Jensen.  Jensen’s skin is a different colour to his, paler, translucent.  The welt looks more vicious on him.  It looks evil.  No mark like this should ever mar Jensen.  It’s Jared’s fault that it does, because he couldn’t control the pleasure he took in his own caning, which gave Jensen the justification to make him do this.  He could have refused if it wasn’t punishment.  He could have called red.  Jensen has to know that he can’t make Jared do things like this.  Jared doesn’t have many limits but this is definitely one of them.

“You need to do me now,” he says, proud that his voice doesn’t waver.  “Please, Jensen.”

Jensen pulls himself up off the desk and Jared falls into automatic kneeling pose, hands behind his back to stop them trembling, grinding his ass hard down against his heels.  He’s too scared to look up, grateful that this pose has his head bowed so Jensen can’t see his eyes. 

“About that,” Jensen starts.  Then doesn’t continue.

Jared’s head shoots up.  “Don’t you dare fucking renege on your promise.”

“Jared—“

“You _promised_ , you fuck.  You promised that you’d hit me back!”

“You’re upset—“

“You’re goddamn right I’m upset.  You’re denying me aftercare and that’s a shitty thing to do.”

“I don’t think that’s what you need right—“

“It’s exactly what I need!”

“You need to calm down—“

“YOU calm down!”  To his horror, Jared can’t stop the torrent of fury pouring out his mouth.  “You made me hurt you and now you won’t hurt me back and I could—I could punch you in the face for that.  I will.  If you don’t—“

“Jared.”

“If you don’t hit me back, I’ll—“

“ _Jared._ ”

“—I’ll fucking punch you, I swear—“

He isn’t expecting the slap, but it rockets his head to the side with a force that wrenches his hands apart to catch himself from sprawling on the floor.

“Jared, stop.”

“Jensen.”  Jared lifts his hand to his burning cheek.  “Jensen, red.”


	6. Chapter 6

A slap?  Jared’s calling red on a slap?

But he is, so Jensen instantly crouches down beside him.  His eyes are glassy, shocky.  Damn it.  He obviously hadn’t recovered from the caning.  His punishment could have waited, it really wasn’t necessary to do tonight.  Jensen should have kept him on the bed, kept soothing him.  It doesn’t even look like Jared can see him, he’s just shaking and gasping, and tries to resist when Jensen reaches for his hands.

“’m sorry,” he moans, doubling over.  “I’m sorry, Jen, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry, please punish me, I deserve it.”

Jensen wraps himself around Jared as much as he can manage.  “Shh, it’s okay, babe, no more punishment.”

“You _must_ ,” Jared insists.

“I already did, it’s over.” 

“I couldn’t do it.”

“You did it perfectly.”

“I couldn’t.  I couldn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

Jared’s voice is barely audible as he whispers, “Red.”

Red.  Shit.  Red for what?  But Jared has started keening to himself, he’s dropped, badly, and Jensen has no idea what caused it.  Sweat’s pouring off him and he’s working himself up into a state of hysteria again, but Jensen doesn’t dare give him another slap, not after he said red.  Instead he tries to pull him to his feet.

“Come with me, baby.”

“Gonna hurt me?”

“No.  No more hurting.  Come with me to the shower.”

Jared jerks away.  “Punish me!”

“I did.”  What the hell?  “It’s over now.”

“No, it’s not.  You promised.”

Oh fuck, he’s talking about Jensen caning his dick.  “I’m not gonna do that.  You’re not in the right state for it.”

“I can be.  I’m sorry, just let me—“

“You said red, Jay.”

“Not about that.” 

Jared sounds small and scared and guilty, but because the scene has stopped and he pulled away, Jensen doesn’t have the right to drag him back into his arms.  He has to respect Jared’s request for space, so he sits back on his heels and tries to keep agitation out of his voice.  “What, then?”

“Hitting you.”

“You did hit me.”

“And I shouldn’t have.”  Jared’s eyes look clearer as he finally looks directly as Jensen.  “I can’t do that.  That’s a limit for me.  I didn’t know it was, but it is.  Don’t ever ask me to do that again.  Not as punishment when I can’t get out of it.”

Ah.  Fuck.  That’s what this is about.  He knew Jared loathed the idea, but somehow in his mind that made it acceptable to force him for a punishment.  But it wasn’t.  Jensen gets it.  For all that Jared loves being hurt, he can’t stand Jensen in pain and now Jensen has made him cause it.  He nods slowly, casting around for what to do next.  “Okay,” he says, because this seems important.  “I will never ask you to do that again.  And, Jay, so you know, you can always call red on a punishment and we can talk about it.”  _Why didn’t you?  You KNOW I don’t want to damage you, you know that’s not what this is about._ The words scream through his mind but he suppresses them since the last thing Jared needs right now is a telling off.  He had a reason for not saying anything and Jensen will have to determine what it was, but now is not the time for that.  Now is the time for fixing what he’s broken and getting a smile back on Jared’s face. 

They’re both still kneeling on the floor beside the desk, both still naked.  Jared’s shivering nonstop despite the warmth of the room and that needs to change, so Jensen gets up, hiding a wince at the pull of injured skin on his ass, to find one of their robes.  He holds it out to Jared.  “Will you put this on for me?”

Jared’s gone back to not meeting his eyes, but to Jensen’s relief he takes the robe and pulls it around his shoulders.  He doesn’t say anything, not even when he accepts the water Jensen gives him.  At least he drinks deeply, drains it, then slumps there cradling the empty glass in his lap. 

Jensen’s aware that this is a dangerous game they play, full of psychological pitfalls and emotional risks.  It’s complicated by the fact that Jared often struggles to be honest about how he feels, always trying too hard to live up to whatever he thinks Jensen wants of him.  Part of the reason they do this is because Jared appreciates the safe space to mess up and be punished and not have the world end, like he secretly always fears it will, but even knowing it’s safe, sometimes he still tries to hide, to fake it, despite the cost to himself. 

“Can I touch you?”

The request jerks Jared out of his stupor.  “Of course.”  He looks at Jensen as though he can’t imagine why he might have thought otherwise, as though Jensen was meant to ignore his calling red and jerking out of Jensen’s arms. 

He quells his  frustration and, putting the glass on the desk, reaches for Jared’s hands.  “Would you join me on the bed for a little bit?”

Jared nods, lets Jensen help him up, and meekly lies down on his side.  Well-versed in Jared, Jensen lies behind him, careful not to touch his beaten ass but tangling their feet together and arranging them so that he can keep one hand gently rubbing Jared’s belly and the other stroking through his damp hair.  He purposefully breathes deeply so Jared can feel his chest press against his back with each breath Jensen takes, and gradually it has the desired effect and Jared’s breathing starts to mirror his.  The shivering lessens, then stops, and beneath Jensen’s investigating palm, the pounding heart eases and slows. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Jared whispers after a while.

“It’s okay.”  It’s not, because it meant Jared was so upset he lost control, but what’s more important is what Jensen does about it, what Jared needs him to do.  Will he feel off-kilter if Jensen lets it go, forgives him for it?  The thought of punishing him for it is abhorrent, but what if that’s what he needs to make it okay in his own mind?  Jensen decides to test it.  “You know you’ll be punished for it, though,” he says.

Jared doesn’t tense or flinch at the words.  Instead, Jensen feels his muscles relax.  “You’re still willing to punish me?  After what I did?”

So Jensen guessed right.  “You don’t think you deserve it?”

“No, I do.  I do, but I didn’t know if…”  Jared shrinks back into Jensen’s chest as though seeking to be surrounded, and Jensen obliges, shifting closer, letting his hips press gently against Jared’s wriggling ass.  “I didn’t know if you still would.  After what I did.”

“Tell me what you did.”

“I didn’t call red when I should have,” Jared says promptly.  “I betrayed both of us by not telling you the truth, that I couldn’t handle it.”

“You wanna tell me why you didn’t?” 

“I tried to.  I told you I couldn’t do it.  I kept telling you.”

“But you didn’t say red.”

“I thought—I thought you—you said you wanted to feel it for the rest of the week too, and I didn’t want to be selfish, and you promised that you’d hurt me terribly if I did it, so I thought maybe I could do it, as long as I knew you’d retaliate.”  Jared shifts in his arms, shuffles on the bed until he’s lying on his back and his tear-bright eyes meet Jensen’s squarely.  “It only got to red when you didn’t do it.  That was what I couldn’t handle.  I made you bleed, Jensen, I hit you just once and I made you bleed, and I was looking at that, at your blood on your skin, blood that _I_ put there, and you refused to do what you’d promised me—and I know I should’ve said red immediately instead of yelling at you.  I’m sorry I yelled.  You will punish me for that, right?”

It’s killing Jensen, but he nods.  “Yeah.  You can count on it.”

“And for making you bleed?”

“Jay, I _asked_ you to—“

“Don’t care.”  A wobbly smile sends a spear through Jensen.  “That was for your research, something you wanted me to do for you and I did.  Can we make that not my punishment for coming, then, and instead you hit my dick?  That seems more appropriate, and I know you like punishments that fit the crime.”

Jensen does.  They both do.  “We can do that.”

“And what’s my punishment for yelling?”

“You’re gonna get ten minutes in the corner with the tongue gag, and you’ll wear it until we go to sleep.”  It’s Jared’s least-favourite gag, two rough edges clamped together flattening the base of his tongue, leaving to dangle humiliatingly out of his mouth and producing copious amounts of uncontrollable drool.  Jared loathes drooling, which is why Jensen loves it so much.  He grins at the face Jared pulls.  “Anything else you want us to deal with?” 

“Me not calling red when I should have.”

“You don’t get punished for that, sweetheart.” 

“But I should,” Jared says stubbornly.  “I didn’t do what I was supposed to.”

“And hasn’t this been a big learning experience for you?  Wasn’t seeing blood that you put on my skin enough?”

It’s obvious that’s the last thing Jared wants to remember.  “You need to hit me more than once,” he says instead.  “Please, Jensen.  When you cane my dick.  I need it more than once.”

“How many do you want?”

“Six.”

Shit.  “And do you have a request for how hard?”

Jared’s eyes flicker away and he bites his lip.  “I want to say six at six, but I don’t know if I can take it.”

“Do you want to take it?”

“Yes, please.”

He sounds so sweet and earnest that Jensen laughs and bends down to kiss him.  Jared’s pliant beneath him, all the tension gone now that honesty is restored between them and he knows he’s going to get what he wants, and that’s worth everything to Jensen. 

 

*

 

For once, Jared doesn’t object to the tongue gag going on.  He sticks out his tongue when instructed, relaxes the muscle so that Jensen can bind it tightly, and welcomes the crawling shame that accompanies the immediate drool that leaks from the sides of his mouth.  There’s a lot he’s going to have to process about tonight, but right now all he has to do is kneel in his corner and drool for Jensen.  He tries not to listen out for Jensen’s movements, not to guess what Jensen’s doing, but he’s aware that Jensen leaves the room for several minutes.  He doesn’t let himself speculate about why, even though he’s pretty sure he knows, pretty sure Jensen took the cane with him, and he hates it.  Jensen shouldn’t have to suffer just so he knows what he’ll be putting Jared through.

What did he ever do in his life to be so lucky as to be given Jensen? 

When Jensen returns, he orders Jared over to where he’s sitting on the bed, and Jared crawls to him eagerly.  The shame magnifies when Jensen traces his fingers through the wet mess Jared’s chest hair has turned into. 

“Look at this, filthy boy.  Look how you’re messing yourself.”

It’s a relief not to be able to talk in response.

Jensen continues to play with the matted hair.  “I want you to remember this, Jared.  Remember what it feels like to have your tongue clamped while you drool like a little baby.  This is what happens to naughty boys who don’t control their tempers and say things they shouldn’t.  Are you enjoying it?”

Jared shakes his head vehemently.

“Good.”  Jensen gives him a sunny smile, which takes the edge off the shame because how can he be miserable when humiliating him makes Jensen look like that? 

After another few minutes of play, Jensen slides his drool-slick hand down to Jared’s cock, which has rashly become excited, considering what it’s about to experience.  With firm, brisk strokes, Jensen encourages it, perks it right up.

“Look at you,” Jensen says admiringly.  “Such a big boy, so eager, all ready for me to hurt.”  His hand tightens painfully, and Jared only gets harder.  Jensen chuckles.  “Oh, you like that, don’t you?  I’m not sure how much of a punishment this is when you’re obviously so happy about it.”

It’ll be a punishment all right.  Despite his cock’s stupidity, Jared knows just how much it’s going to hurt and he’s really not certain he can take it.  But somehow that uncertainty itself is part of the satisfaction.  It’s not often Jensen does things to him that he wants yet fears with such intensity.  He honestly might not be able to take this, but he’s trusting that Jensen will make him take it anyway.

Will make him take it unless Jared signals red.

Jared can signal red.  Even though this is a punishment, if it gets to be unbearable, he can stop it.  He’s always believed that he didn’t get an out clause for punishments, usually because punishments tend to be things he doesn’t want in the first place, but something has changed in his mindset tonight, something that Jensen probably thought he always understood but is only now filtering through to him.  Yes, his duty is to take whatever Jensen decides to give him as punishment, to suffer it willingly and stoically, because he’s never punished unless he deserves it.  But when they try something new, neither of them know his limits yet, and hard limits still apply, even for punishment. 

He’s still safe. 

He’s safe with Jensen, as long as he tells him the truth.  As long as he owns up to what he’s feeling and doesn’t try to grit it out, to deny his sense of violation.  It may not be this way out in the world, where he has to put up with a lot that he can’t cope with and keep smiling and being strong and holding his head up high, but that’s why they do this here, to relieve that pressure and give him a safe place to break and drop his defences and be honest.

It’s that thought that gets him through the six strikes to his now very regretful cock.  He can stop it if he needs to.  He’s not helpless here the way he’s forced to be out in public where complex obligations govern his behaviour no matter how he feels about it.  Here, with Jensen, in the sanctuary of their bedroom in the city they’ve both chosen to call home, he is free.  Only with Jensen.  Always with Jensen.

And when he rejoins his friends for their planned activities later in the week, and as he gets through the rest of this hiatus and everything it’s going to demand of him, he knows he can do it, he can be the Jared the world requires him to be, because although he can’t be truly himself with anyone else, he can be when he’s with Jensen.  He has this. 

They have this. 


End file.
